Here in Norway there is a very interesting fashion trend that I see around. It is usually with younger girls like Junior High or High School age. It is where they

Beauty is only skin deep, but it’s a valuable asset if you’re poor or haven’t any sense.
Kin Hubbard

wear their hair very teased at the roots - like 80’s style. I have to get some pictures of this Norwegian fashion trend. Its pretty cool/funny/different. Not SO cool that I will do it myself yet, but part of me thinks that they are just going with the elements of nature here and decided to say “screw you” to the wind, rain and snow and tease/hairspray their hair so that it would be indestructible by the forces of Norwegian nature…although I have to admit, after seeing this style, I opted for a little more teasing in my hair (once or twice). I have not figured out how to do the strategic tease the way these High School girls have though. It just did not look right on me.

Anyways, I have to say that after living in Norway for three months now, I have all but completely given up and thrown in the towel on trying to look good. Basic grooming rituals of mine (aka pedicure, acrylic nails and regular waxing) quickly disappeared off my list of regular beauty routines. Now armed only with nail clippers, tweezers and a razor, I feel I am left to fend for myself as far as looking good goes. And believe me…its NOT a one woman job - I NEED a team (oh, and FYI, I’m not holding up the position so well either).

Oh how I miss my one and only hairdresser. The male, non-gay-hairdresser who would make my hair look amazing for months at a time with one genius cut (if anyone is in Long Beach and wants his name…just let me know…no one compares, I swear!). A reliable, fairly priced and talented hairdresser that you can trust is truly priceless. I had to go through many horrible haircuts before I found him, and now that I have moved to Norway I’ve been ripped away from one man who has always been faithful and good to me (even though its only because I paid him, it still counts).

Getting my hair to look nice has always been an issue for me. I have never been satisfied with my hair. But now that I live in Norway where the elements of nature have their way with my hair every day as soon as I leave the house, I realize that my hair looked pretty good when I lived in California :) Once I leave the house, and get one brisk blow of wind, its already over. Good hair day or bad hair day, its just done.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

On the bright side of that is, no matter how bad my hair looks when I leave the house, I can always blame it on the wind. And by the time I get to wherever I am going, it looks like the same crap that it would if I left the house thinking “wow, my hair looks great today!”.

I wont even get started on how getting a set of acrylic nails truly makes me feel like a new woman. These are just little things that I miss so much since I’ve moved to Norway. Here in Oslo, it just so happens that a set of acrylics costs $150.oo (gasp). Which also means that my very necessary monthly pedicure is out of the question here too. I just have to add, that things like pedicures are necessary when you were not genetically blessed with normal or even half decent feet (thanks dad)…I need all the help that I can get.

Waxing is another luxury that is non-existent in my new life in Norway. If something as simple as getting my nails done is so out of the question, then with waxing, I wont even go there. Its just not going to happen.

Which brings me to another point. In the absence of all the “normal” trappings that are a part of female grooming, how the heck do all these Norwegian women look so freaking dewy, fresh and glowing? It kind-of ticks me off, actually. At least in California, I had some tools to help me compete with all the gorgeous women (weather or not it really helped or not, is besides the point…I at least felt like I could do something about it). But here in Norway, no way. What, a swipe of chap stick and a emery board and out the door? How do they look so freaking good? Because that simple-low-maintenance crap does not work for me at all. I know I’m just jealous, that they roll out of bed with shiny blond hair, rosy cheeks and big blue eyes and slap on some chapstick and look like a million dollars (those bitches). But its really not fair when they take me out of the game completely by totally stripping me of all of my tools.

Beauty may be skin deep, but ugly goes clear to the bone.
Redd Foxx

So the moral of the story is, I cant even begin to compete with these gorgeous Scandinavian women. When I get out of bed in the morning now, why even brush my hair?

I wont really stop brushing my hair (not that it matters because one second outdoors and nature takes care of that for you and totally messes up your hair). And I am sorry to all beautiful Norwegian women, I don’t really think your bitches, your actually really nice (just not quite as nice as the ugly ones though :) hahaha). And sorry for complaining so much. Its just as far as how I look goes, I am feeling very defeated lately.

I’ll get over it. Or else, if I cant be pretty…I guess I’d better start getting a personality and being nice to people. How boring! (I’m kidding of course… :)

Now for some wise words of a woman after my own heart (and probably the same bra size….for those of you who know me :):
“If I see something sagging, dragging, or bagging, I get it sucked, tucked, or plucked.”
Dolly Parton