Something that has recently caught my attention is cultural etiquette in foreign countries. Especially in Norway.
Why? Well, I’m happy you asked!
I’ve had quite a few very embarrassing experiences recently having to do with being unaware of some common social behaviors in places I was visiting.
Here are two of these experiences just to give you a glimpse of the kind of things I have found myself clueless about. There are also a few that I wont share because I’m still a bit traumatized and embarrassed… I still feel so stupid about behaving the way I did in a couple of situations - even though I did not have any clue at the time. Maby one day when time has healed my embarrassment I will give you all a good laugh and share those with you. But for now you have to settle for two situations where I still did dumb things without knowing, but are pretty minor. This is just to give you an idea of why I have been thinking about this subject so much.
My embarrassing experience #1:
I was on vacation in Norway, eating at a Mc Donalds in Oslo. I finished my drink, went to the soda fountain and refilled it. When I sat back down at the table, my friend said to me “Uuhhh…I don’t think you get free refills here.”. I thought - of course he was wrong (in spite of his living in Norway for 10 years). And I proceeded to explain to him WHY he was wrong.
First, the soda fountain was out for the customers to fill the drinks themselves. And second, McDonalds is synonymous with free refills (in my American mind).
Wanting third-party confirmation to support my argument and prove that I was right (of course), I went to the girl behind the counter and asked here if there were free refills. She smiled and said “no”.
I felt pretty silly (okay, more like just stupid really), because it didn’t even cross my mind when I walked over to refill my soda, when I presented my arguments to my friend or when I asked the cashier to support my side - that they actually did NOT have free refills.
As insignificant as this situation seems, it really caused me to start thinking about the differences - small and large- between America and Norway.
My embarrassing experience #2:
This incident was a little more personal. It was also while I was on vacation in Norway, while I was dining out. I don’t remember what we were eating but I am a picky eater and have a habit of picking out what I don’t want and eating what I do. Now I know this is not exactly a “golden virtue” perse (even my grandma dose not like this about me) but I never saw it as offensive and never thought of it as that big of a deal.
So, while I was eating my food the way I always do (picking at it) my friend said to me “Kristie, you should be more aware of how you handle and eat your food. You don’t want other people thinking you are the stero-typical rude American.”.
Now I can guarantee you that he only said this to tell me that this is how other people are seeing me, and he knew I was unaware of it. We had dined together dozens of times while in the states and he had never said anything. It was only when we had arrived in Norway that he mentioned this (but only because he knows I want to know…not to offend or because he was offended).
I tried to brush it off like it was no big deal. But the truth was, I was SO embarrassed! I was just eating as I have always done. Not thinking anything of it. And to have it even implied that anyone would think of me as the stereotypical rude American. It made me feel sick. That’s not who I am, and I don’t care where I am in the world, I don’t want to be seen as that.
The truth is, I am grateful for my friend for being kind enough to point out these things to me. Because how else am I supposed to know? I have no clue. And it really bothers me that I am moving to another country, and don’t know the social etiquette.
In moving to Oslo, it worries me that by just being myself I will offend someone or reinforce the “rude” American stereotype. When really, I would love to know more about their culture. I really never want to offend or be rude. It is not my intentions at all. I just don’t want the rest of the world to see me as living down to the low expectations of what an American is, or that I will unknowingly step on someones toes.
I have no problem with breaking rules…but only if I KNOW that I am breaking them. It’s going into a social life where I have no clue of what the rules are that unsettles me.
This will most likely be the first of many posts on this subject. I would guess that once I move to Oslo it will come up often. I’m sure I will have plenty of stories of my faupax and f-ups to amuse you as I learn how to “be” in Norway.
Please tell me what you think. What are your experiences? How do you feel about the subject? Maybe you can help me too.
10 responses so far ↓
1 Lothiane // Nov 10, 2007 at 5:46 pm
I don’t really agree with your friend. If you were dining out, I don’t see why you shouldn’t pick out things you don’t like. I’d do the same, so would people I know. I pay for the food, why should I eat it if there are things I don’t like?
But it’s different if you visit someone and they serve you something. Some would say it’s impolite to pick things out… but it depends. I mean, if there’s something you _really_ don’t like, I wouldn’t have minded if you left that. Others would probably not like it. I guess people are just different… but most would understand if you explain in a nice way.
2 Erik Midtskogen // Nov 21, 2007 at 7:37 pm
It’s a minor faux-pas that I wouldn’t expect would raise an eyebrow at a restaurant. It does become a bit more of an issue to the degree that your host has spent time and effort preparing a big meal for you.
The heart of the matter is a deep respect for and appreciation of food. This is a part of Norwegian culture, born of the short growing season of a harsh climate. For thousands of years, getting enough to eat was the foremost concern of most Norwegians, and starvation was a very common way to die.
And so, when Norwegians see American-style eating where you casually jettison entire plates of perfectly good food (many of them “the size of your head”), it really strikes them (us? [jeg er jo bare så vidt Amerikaner]) as an atrocity.
As I’m sure you have noticed, Norwegians are generally pretty preoccupied with avoiding waste. This is one reason things are so clean over there–the creation of garbage consumes scarce natural resources. Norwegians have “reuse, reduce, recycle” in their blood.
So whatever you do, please don’t ever get caught littering. I’m sure you don’t litter anyway, but I just wanted to give you fair warning.
3 Julia // Nov 22, 2008 at 3:34 pm
whatever.. half these people in Norway are inbred peasants and I´ve seen them behave horribly- they completely lack in social skills, so who the f$#” cares what they think? Eat like you want and be proud of the fact you are american. At least americans know how to chit chat, smile at each other in the street, and are friendly!
4 atjulia // Dec 4, 2008 at 5:09 am
At Julia , as a non american yes non american living in northern california I think you just hit the nail on the head about how arrogant and agressive Americans are seen by the rest of the world.. Oh I am sorry you American right yup thats what was wrong.
Nothing wrong with the 3 r’s reduce reuse recyle something I am not seeming to see as much here in California
5 lisa // Feb 7, 2009 at 7:14 pm
Jesus, you are so naive…Norwegians perceive Americans as “rude” out of pure jealousy, they can’t come up with any other “accusation” so they call Americans “rude” they are “rude” because their country is the biggest and the most powerful, and we, we Norwegians are supposed to be the most important in the word, this is so “unjust” the are “rude”. He, he, he, you know nothing about Norwegian mind, they are peasants and fishermen dreaming of “greatness” because of oil money, they are just pathetic little villagers who cry because in reality they mean nothing in the world. looking for mindless nationalism, that’s Norway.
6 Eirik // Feb 9, 2009 at 4:12 am
Oh my…I can assure you Lisa, as a Norwegian I am not in the slightest way “jealous” about The U.S or the average American citizen for that matter. And I would suppose that the majority of your “great” country’s population consists of farmers ["peasants" is a very demeaning word for farmer btw] and fishermen too. As for mindless nationalism, I must admit I got actually quite fed up with the us after an endless stream of pretentious propaganda that could to the works of Nazi Germany’s Joseph Goebbels. The are very few countries in the world where it’s people are so blindly patriotic and proud, but where they in fact have very little in the present day and age to be proud of. America is today neither the “most powerful” nor biggest, but I don’t claim the Norwegians are the most Important ones as well. We ALL play a role in the state of the world, something America more than often has chosen to completely ignore and go about on their own ways.
As for the point about Norwegian cultural etiquette, don’t bother:) Just try to avoid calling Norway a nation of inbred peasants and lowlifes and you will do fine^_^
7 shiela // Apr 21, 2009 at 5:18 am
I would like to know the clothing women wear in Norway in May.. Having a difficult time finding out and am leaving for Bergen soon.. thanks to anyone who answers
8 Kristie // Apr 21, 2009 at 8:17 pm
Shiela: I assumed before moving to Norway they might wear something different and had to ‘figure out’ what I was going to wear. They wear the same things as we do in America. The women dress in very little clothing if the weather permits. It seems most anything goes. I would not stress. Just check on the internet what the weather would be for when your going and dress how you normally would for that weather. Good luck, and enjoy! May is a GREAT time of year to be in Norway :)
9 LaDonn // Apr 23, 2009 at 8:37 pm
Shiela, it depends on what part of Norway you will be in. It is a country with many climates, but dressing in layers will be your best bet… a warm sweater, a rain jacket, perhaps an umbrella, water repellent walking shoes, pants that zip off to shorts, a long skirt, footless tights - all in coordinating colors so you can adjust according to the weather and the place you’ll be. A scarf can be an emergancy turtleneck, an accessory, change the look of a skirt, a shawl. Norwegian women are masters of a few things providing many solutions and looking terrific at the same time. May is a beautiful time in Norway, and later in May is the best time on the coastal area - normally late May has the best chance of sunny weather on the coast. SE Norway gets hot later in the summer. Northern Norway is barely out of winter in May, so dress accordingly if you are headed up there. If you are staying mostly around Oslo, you can expect a more sophisicated level of style. But like America, there are all types of styles worn. And your activities will also help dictate what will be best to wear.
Good luck and have fun. It’s a wonderful place to experience.
10 shiela // Apr 24, 2009 at 3:34 pm
THANK YOU FOR YOUR RESPONSES KRISTIE AND LADONNE.. SOME PLACES JEANS . SHIRT AND JACKET ARE APPROPRIATE . THEN OTHER PLACES YOU FEEL THE NEED TO DRESS FROM CHICO’S..
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